A Woman's Guide to not Giving a ****: A Creative's Edition

 

"There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing."
Aristotle 

 

The fear of criticism keeps us from being our best selves. We avoid posting our work and pursuing opportunities because the thought of being perceived is too much to bear. What if people think you are cringy? Or weird? Or they only see all the mistakes and flaws? Being afraid of people criticizing you means resigning to a life of nothing. As creatives, we can't do ourselves the disservice of letting that happen. Since we tend to spend so much time in our own heads, we must have good perspective to keep ourselves positive and to not care what other people think.

If you were raised as a woman, you probably think all the time about what people think. Women are conditioned to be chronic people pleasers, to care about beauty above all else, and are also conditioned to value the approval of men. If you don't believe me and think this all projection, take some time to watch the classic Disney movies. Notice how the women in these movies act, how they are portrayed, and what's the end of result of these movies? Finding Prince Charming and living happily. ever. after.

A sweet moment? Or seconds before disaster?

If you know anything child phycology, you know children are like sponges. Their brains are working overtime to take in every little thing around them whether that is explicitly or subconsciously. The things we learned as children are embedded into our socialization and oftentimes, we aren't even aware of it!

The things I mentioned before are implicitly messaged to women through movies, TV shows, and advertising. This instills a very real fear of criticism for us. What if we don't appeal to people in the way we were conditioned to do? What does that mean for a woman?

What a woman risks at loosing is her value in society. Luckily for us though, society is larger than what we are conditioned to believe. Being a part of society ourselves, we know that there are other women who benefit from us challenging our fears. 

So, this how we can challenge our fears, not be afraid of criticism, and pursue our artistic goals?

My first mushroom girl in my mushroom girl series. Made with Adobe Photoshop.

1. Keep in mind, everyone is too worried about themselves

On the lightest level of the fear of criticism we have to realize that everyone else is too worried about themselves to care about us. Take some time to reflect on what it is like to live your life. What are your daily thoughts and worries like? When you look in the mirror before work, what do you think? When you are driving home, what are thinking of doing next? We are so absorbed in the microcosms that are our own worlds, we don't realize that everyone else around us is the same. People aren't worried about the stain on your shirt, or that you have something in your teeth, or that you said the wrong thing in a conversation. Honestly, they probably didn't notice. A lot of the time, everyone else is too worried about themselves to have time to think about you. 

When it comes to putting ourselves on the internet though and showcasing our work, it isn't exactly "little" now is it? After all, this is a reflection on you and something that is digitally documented forever . And, we all know those people from High School who have nothing better to do than to lurk on other people's social media pages and judge them (I say this as a semi-recovered lurker). How do we deal with this?

2. Know that nothing really matters

Do you remember being in High School and there was drama happening and it felt like the biggest deal in the world? Then, you get to your twenties and you realize it really wasn't that deep at all. When it comes to your fear of being perceived and potentially being cringy the thing you are afraid of is the judgement from other people. But what does that do exactly? Nothing. People may be judging but do you actually know that? and if they are, why does that matter? Imagine being 80 years old and having a bird's eye view of your life. Is that judgy ass, witch ass girl from High School really going to have that much of an impact on your life? No. This is your life, not her life. If she wants to feel good by making fun of other people rather than do something productive herself, that's her problem. Nothing really matters in the grand scheme of things, so just don't take what other people say too seriously.

My second and favorite mushroom girl. Made with Adobe Photoshop.

3. Have radical belief in yourself

As a woman, you weren't conditioned to behave a certain way in society. So when you do, it doesn't feel natural and you start questioning if you are able to reach your goals. I'm here to tell you that's perfectly normal and you don't necessarily need that belief in yourself right now. But, you do have to be willing radicalize your brain into thinking you can do anything you put your mind to. The negative thoughts we have aren't rooted in any real evidence, they are just thoughts rattling around in an our brains and somewhere along the way, we were conditioned to believe them. So, brainwash yourself into believing you can do it! If you can brainwash yourself to have negative thoughts, you can brainwash yourself into having positive thoughts.

4. Get comfortable with failure

No one likes to fail and the fear failure is something that keeps us from trying in the first place. If you fear failure, I want to ask, how do you learn anything? Learning a new skill takes repetition and experience. Experience of making dumb mistakes, and learning what works and what doesn't. Mistakes are painful, yes, but if you've ever learned a painful mistake you probably didn't make it again. Fear of failure holds you back from trying anything. In actuality, you should fail a lot! After all, we only human, we are constantly learning and growing. Our lives should be filled with multiple failures. Not only do we need to try new things despite failure, we need to get comfortable with failing itself. Otherwise, every time something doesn't pan out, you will spiral. Learn from experience how to cope with failing. Analyze your failure, figure out why it happened, and then have a game plan for dealing with that situation again in the future. Don't take life so seriously, and don't let failure wreck you.

No title, just wanted to capture the juxposition of the terrifying dragon with the calmness of the woman. Guache and colored pencil on paper.

5. Analyze criticism

So I've talked at length about overcoming fear of being judged, having belief in yourself, and getting comfortable with failure. Now, we need to talk about when you do received criticism how to analyze it and deal with it. Here's the thing, we are going to do things wrong. There will always be room for improvement and nothing is ever perfect. If we are lucky, people will tell us outright what we are doing wrong. However, this can come across as harsh sometimes. We need analyze the criticism to see if there is a change we actually need to make or if we should ignore it.

• Is the "criticism" inherently hateful?
  • I put criticism in quotes here because if someone is telling you that you suck, your work is awful, or being outright hateful and threatening that is not criticism. It is hate and you should ignore it!
• Is it objective or subjective?
  • Objective criticism is factual. It contains facts that should be considered. Subjective criticism has to do with things like "I like yellow better" it's usually rooted in an opinion rather than a fact.
    • The thing about art is that it often is subjective, so there are a couple more things to consider when looking at subjective criticism. 
      • What is this person's expertise?
      • What is their education?
      • What do they do in their life?
      • Do they have more or less experience than you?
    • Some of these questions may be important, or they may not be. It depends of the situation. Someone who isn't as experienced in art may have great criticism, but also keep these questions in mind and make sure you are considering criticism from the right person.

Sometimes criticism can come across in a really rude way. Don't let your emotions get in the way of analyzing this criticism. Some people are just a-holes, but they do have something valuable to say. It important to keep in mind that those people don't know you and therefor it isn't personal. Sometimes, people act that way to get reaction. So respond with kindness, and consider what they are saying because, really, it isn't that deep.

In the end, the fear of criticism is a natural part of being human, but it doesn't have to hold us back from pursuing our dreams or expressing ourselves. When we truly understand that everyone is too absorbed in their own lives to scrutinize ours, and that nothing really matters in the grand scheme of things, it becomes easier to let go of that paralyzing fear. Cultivating radical belief in ourselves and embracing failure as a necessary part of growth allows us to push past the discomfort of judgment and keep moving forward.